You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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