Need sex. Gaining weight.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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