Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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