dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
