if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
