He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
