I hate your face
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
