Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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