Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
