1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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