I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
