sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize