I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Randomize