i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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