I just threw up on my dentist
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
