evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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