My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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