FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize