OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
