my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
