you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it's great music for shaving your balls
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
