Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
