do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
