i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
