Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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