so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
PANTIES FOUND
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