Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
