I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
