ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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