I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
