lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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