I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
