the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
