there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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