You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
sex in a hospital.. check
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
