We're facebook friends in real life
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
