he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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