my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
