remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm bleeding and have questions
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
