Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
