how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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