Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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