I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
