my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
