Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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