if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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