I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
