Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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