I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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