I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
