1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
