Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
