Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
