He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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