I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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