Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
