I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You are a genius and a whore.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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