he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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