if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
