So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
