actually, I'm a sock model
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
