left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
