I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
