my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
