and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
