she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
