3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
