so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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