He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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