how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
