I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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