he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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