remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
