Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
